The Road Not Taken

If you recognized the title of this post you know that it is not an original thought. It is the name of a poem written by Robert Frost.

" Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both"

We have all been there. We have learned that there are no do-overs, no chance to go back and take the other path at the fork in the road. Perhaps I should change that we to I. An inclusive we may be presumptive.

So from personal experience I shall continue on. I have found that just when I have accepted that I cannot turn back another intersection presents itself in front of me. Perhaps it is still a matter of path a or path b. Other times it is a larger number of options which require a decision. Indecision is not the answer. I know that I cannot stand idle. I know I must choose a direction with an unknown destination and that this time hope that I get it right.

I have made many poor decisions. I have gambled on an outcome only to find myself or somebody I care for or love hurt. I have taken what has seemed to be a smooth paved path and found out that it was just the easy way out of a big problem; a band-aid on a wound that needed more attention. I have been selfish and walked the road that would satisfy my need(s) but left behind the aching needs of others.

There is no insurance policy that you can purchase to protect yourself and others from poor choices, mistakes or failure. If there were, how would one quantify what each line item would be worth? Is there a dollar value that you can place that will make an error of judgement right again?

How many times have I heard or read "If only I knew then what I know now". There are no "if only" opportunities. You cannot go back to a place you had already been with knowledge accumulated from time and distance from the event. Personally I don't want to be 17 again, or 21, or 25 or 30. I have been weak when I should have been strong. I have given in to temptation when I should have looked the other way. I have said things that would have been better left unsaid. I have taken for granted the availability of friends to weep to when things start to crumble. I have done more than enough going through those years the first time and would not want to risk making a poor decision once again. Because sometimes it is not just one wrong path you take but a series of streets and valleys, corridors and escalator rides that take you to a place where you are met with more options. I am not sure I could find myself traveling backwards anyway. Doors have closed and been locked. Destinations that once seemed important no longer hold the same importance. Past passions have had their flame extinguished.

I can only apologize to those that I have hurt. I can try my best to think about all possible consequences of a big life decision; the good and the possible bad. I can guide my children and hope they learn from my mistakes; knowing all the while that they will make mistakes of their own.

I encourage you all the reread the Robert Frost poem for yourself. Lay it open as if it were your first reading of it. Life, mine or those of others, is not always about all the mistakes we have made. I have had my share of successes, good, strong decision making and the honor of being called mom by two incredible human beings.

Sure I wish there had been less heartache to get to here and now. Less struggle to keep a smile on my face. But I do not regret the path not taken because the outcome from having gone that way was just as unknown as the path I did travel.